Hey yall, how have you been? Since the last time we talked, a lot of emotions, ups, and downs, but I’m here. I finally made it to the weekend, and I can’t say anything short of the help of my family.
Do you have time to listen to me? I need a friend and someone to listen. I may not make sense, but I need to get this off my mind, body, and soul. As always, don’t judge me.
If you remember, last time we talked, I told you my college sweetheart passed away. I’m learning to cope, and I always thought he would be here. It’s funny because I haven’t seen or spoken to him in a few years, but I always felt him close… like a cord. I knew something was off last week, yall. I told Natlie I felt funny and like something was going to happen. I even dreamed this crazy dream. I knew SOMETHING was wrong, and I couldn’t put my finger on it.
Then since I found out the news, I have cried a lot. Natlie has been a Hero in every sense of the word. She has TRIED to comfort me, but I don’t make it easy. I feel guilty that she has to comfort me over someone’s passing. I feel like I should have more self-composure than I do, but I cry anytime and anywhere. I have great moments, but the minutes of anguish are plenty. She never judges me, but I judge myself.
Not only that, my mom passed May 23, 2015, during Memorial Day Weekend, and we buried her on May 29, 2015. This week has been a double whammy, and I feel guilty not showing her homage. I have been grieving Luke so much I haven’t even had time to meditate and be with my mom. Does this make me a bad person? Why does my heart hurt so bad then?
Today is the funeral. I can’t go. I refuse to see him like that, and I can’t let the last image be of him in a casket. I want to cherish him the way I remember him. I won’t even visit my mother’s grave this weekend. I have tried to be an adult and put my best foot forward, but it feels like lead is in my body, and my heart burns like acid. I don’t want to feel like this anymore.
A New Direction
I decided to get my butt off my shoulders, as my mom would say, and I planned a holiday retreat with my family still with me on Earth. You suppose to love who loves you, and I owe my family some TLC. They have been here for me, so it’s time for me to be here for them.
Natlie, the girls, and I are going on a Staycation camping trip for 4 days and 3 nights in the backyard. It starts on Sunday, we have yard work to do, and I won’t lie, I’m really excited. I have planned this once before, but I genuinely need a do-over. You can check out the video here.
I believe in keeping my chakras in alignment, and one of the easiest ways to do this is to go camping.
The fresh air, no phones, and letting nature reset your inner biological clock it’s rejuvenating. Especially if you get lucky with a brief rain shower, play in it. It makes me feel like all the negative vibes are being cleansed away. I also think I owe my family some real-time to strengthen our bonds. I was a little off, and I didn’t want anyone to think they were a problem. In the end, I was my own worse enemy.
Ok, yall, I have to get my day started, but I needed to talk with you. I hope you have a fantastic Memorial Day Weekend.
As always, big hugs and warm smiles.
Ivey
One reply on “Days, Minutes, and Moments”
My condolences for your loss. I know it has been tough to deal when you lose a loved one. Prayers to you and hugs.